In this week’s parsha, we read the story of Miriam’s punishment for her speaking ill of her brother Moshe and his wife.
במדבר 12: 1–16
וַתְּדַבֵּר מִרְיָם וְאַהֲרֹן בְּמֹשֶׁה עַל־אֹדוֹת הָאִשָּׁה הַכֻּשִׁית אֲשֶׁר לָקָח כִּי־אִשָּׁה כֻשִׁית לָקָח׃ וַיֹּאמְרוּ הֲרַק אַךְ־בְּמֹשֶׁה דִּבֶּר יְהֹוָה הֲלֹא גַּם־בָּנוּ דִבֵּר וַיִּשְׁמַע יְהֹוָה׃ וְהָאִישׁ מֹשֶׁה עָנָו מְאֹד מִכֹּל הָאָדָם אֲשֶׁר עַל־פְּנֵי הָאֲדָמָה׃ וַיֹּאמֶר יְהֹוָה פִּתְאֹם אֶל־מֹשֶׁה וְאֶל־אַהֲרֹן וְאֶל־מִרְיָם צְאוּ שְׁלשְׁתְּכֶם אֶל־אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד וַיֵּצְאוּ שְׁלשְׁתָּם׃ וַיֵּרֶד יְהֹוָה בְּעַמּוּד עָנָן וַיַּעֲמֹד פֶּתַח הָאֹהֶל וַיִּקְרָא אַהֲרֹן וּמִרְיָם וַיֵּצְאוּ שְׁנֵיהֶם׃ וַיֹּאמֶר שִׁמְעוּ־נָא דְבָרָי אִם־יִהְיֶה נְבִיאֲכֶם יְהֹוָה בַּמַּרְאָה אֵלָיו אֶתְוַדָּע בַּחֲלוֹם אֲדַבֶּר־בּוֹ׃ לֹא־כֵן עַבְדִּי מֹשֶׁה בְּכל־בֵּיתִי נֶאֱמָן הוּא׃ פֶּה אֶל־פֶּה אֲדַבֶּר־בּוֹ וּמַרְאֶה וְלֹא בְחִידֹת וּתְמֻנַת יְהֹוָה יַבִּיט וּמַדּוּעַ לֹא יְרֵאתֶם לְדַבֵּר בְּעַבְדִּי בְמֹשֶׁה׃וַיִּחַר־אַף יְהֹוָה בָּם וַיֵּלַךְ׃
וְהֶעָנָן סָר מֵעַל הָאֹהֶל וְהִנֵּה מִרְיָם מְצֹרַעַת כַּשָּׁלֶג וַיִּפֶן אַהֲרֹן אֶל־מִרְיָם וְהִנֵּה מְצֹרָעַת׃ וַיֹּאמֶר אַהֲרֹן אֶל־מֹשֶׁה בִּי אֲדֹנִי אַל־נָא תָשֵׁת עָלֵינוּ חַטָּאת אֲשֶׁר נוֹאַלְנוּ וַאֲשֶׁר חָטָאנוּ: אַל־נָא תְהִי כַּמֵּת אֲשֶׁר בְּצֵאתוֹ מֵרֶחֶם אִמּוֹ וַיֵּאָכֵל חֲצִי בְשָׂרוֹ׃ וַיִּצְעַק מֹשֶׁה אֶל־יְהֹוָה לֵאמֹר אֵל נָא רְפָא נָא לָהּ׃
וַיֹּאמֶר יְהֹוָה אֶל־מֹשֶׁה וְאָבִיהָ יָרֹק יָרַק בְּפָנֶיהָ הֲלֹא תִכָּלֵם שִׁבְעַת יָמִים תִּסָּגֵר שִׁבְעַת יָמִים מִחוּץ לַמַּחֲנֶה וְאַחַר תֵּאָסֵף׃ וַתִּסָּגֵר מִרְיָם מִחוּץ לַמַּחֲנֶה שִׁבְעַת יָמִים וְהָעָם לֹא נָסַע עַד־הֵאָסֵף מִרְיָם׃
Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman he had married: “He married a Cushite woman!” They said, “Has the LORD spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?” The LORD heard it. Now Moses was a very humble man, more so than any other man on earth. Suddenly the LORD called to Moses, Aaron, and Miriam, “Come out, you three, to the Tent of Meeting.” So the three of them went out. The LORD came down in a pillar of cloud, stopped at the entrance of the Tent, and called out, “Aaron and Miriam!” The two of them came forward; and He said, “Hear these My words: When a prophet of the LORD arises among you, I make Myself known to him in a vision, I speak with him in a dream. Not so with My servant Moses; he is trusted throughout My household. With him I speak mouth to mouth, plainly and not in riddles, and he beholds the likeness of the LORD. How then did you not shrink from speaking against My servant Moses!” Still incensed with them, the LORD departed.
As the cloud withdrew from the Tent, there was Miriam stricken with snow-white scales! When Aaron turned toward Miriam, he saw that she was stricken with scales. And Aaron said to Moses, “O my lord, account not to us the sin which we committed in our folly. Let her not be as one dead, who emerges from his mother’s womb with half his flesh eaten away.” So Moses cried out to the LORD, saying, “O God, pray heal her!”
But the LORD said to Moses, “If her father spat in her face, would she not bear her shame for seven days? Let her be shut out of camp for seven days, and then let her be readmitted.” So Miriam was shut out of camp seven days; and the people did not march on until Miriam was readmitted. After that the people set out from Hazeroth and encamped in the wilderness of Paran.
Although both of Moshe’s siblings spoke ill of his wife, it was Miriam, and she alone, who was punished. This punishment is such an important part of Jewish history that later, the Torah tells us to remember it:
דברים 24:9
זָכוֹר אֵת אֲשֶׁר־עָשָׂה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ לְמִרְיָם בַּדֶּרֶךְ בְּצֵאתְכֶם מִמִּצְרָיִם׃
Remember what the LORD your God did to Miriam on the journey after you left Egypt.
Rashi cites the Sifrei when he comments on this verse:
זכור את אשר עשה ה' אלהיך למרים. אִם בָּאתָ לְהִזָּהֵר שֶׁלֹּא תִלְקֶה בְּצָרַעַת אַל תְּסַפֵּר לָשׁוֹן הָרָע, זְכֹר הֶעָשׂוּי לְמִרְיָם שֶׁדִּבְּרָה בְאָחִיהָ וְלָקְתָה בִנְגָעִים
REMEMBER WHAT THE LORD THY GOD DID UNTO MIRIAM — if you wish to guard yourself against being stricken with leprosy, do not speak slander! Remember what was done unto Miriam who spoke slander against her brother and was stricken with a leprous plague! (cf. Sifrei Devarim 275:1).
The Injunction against speaking Lashon Hara
From a young age, we teach our children not to speak lashon hara (lit. evil speech), which is usually translated as slander, or gossip. And for good reason, as the Rambam makes clear:
רמב’ם הל׳ דעות, 7:3
אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים שָׁלֹשׁ עֲבֵרוֹת נִפְרָעִין מִן הָאָדָם בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה וְאֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. עֲבוֹדַת כּוֹכָבִים וְגִלּוּי עֲרָיוֹת וּשְׁפִיכוּת דָּמִים. וְלָשׁוֹן הָרַע כְּנֶגֶד כֻּלָּם. וְעוֹד אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים כָּל הַמְסַפֵּר בְּלָשׁוֹן הָרַע כְּאִלּוּ כּוֹפֵר בָּעִקָּר. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהילים יב ה) "אֲשֶׁר אָמְרוּ לִלְשֹׁנֵנוּ נַגְבִּיר שְׂפָתֵינוּ אִתָּנוּ מִי אָדוֹן לָנוּ". וְעוֹד אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים שְׁלֹשָׁה לָשׁוֹן הָרַע הוֹרֶגֶת. הָאוֹמְרוֹ. וְהַמְקַבְּלוֹ. וְזֶה שֶׁאוֹמֵר עָלָיו. וְהַמְקַבְּלוֹ יוֹתֵר מִן הָאוֹמְרוֹ
Our Sages said: "There are three sins for which retribution is exacted from a person in this world and, [for which] he is [nonetheless,] denied a portion in the world to come: idol worship, forbidden sexual relations, and murder. Lashon horah is equivalent to all of them.’”
Our Sages also said: "Anyone who speaks lashon horah is like one who denies God as [implied by Psalms 12:5]: 'Those who said: With our tongues we will prevail; our lips are our own. Who is Lord over us?’”
In addition, they said: "Lashon horah kills three [people], the one who speaks it, the one who listens to it, and the one about whom it is spoken. The one who listens to it [suffers] more than the one who speaks it.
Here is how the famous Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan (d.1933) explained the punishment meted out to Miriam. He is known as the Chofetz Chaim, after the name of his first work (he published over twenty) which addressed the rules of gossip:
ספר חפץ חיים, פתיחה להלכות לשון הרע ורכילות
"זָכוֹר אֵת אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ לְמִרְיָם בַּדֶּרֶךְ" וְגוֹ', שֶׁהִזְהִירָנוּ הַתּוֹרָה בָּזֶה, שֶׁנִּזְכֹּר בַּפֶּה תָּמִיד הָעֹנְשׁ הַגָּדוֹל, אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה ה' יִתְבָּרַךְ לַצַדֶּקֶת מִרְיָם הַנְּבִיאָה שֶׁלֹּא דִּבְּרָה אֶלָּא בְּאָחִיהָ אֲשֶׁר אָהֲבַתְהוּ כְּנַפְשָׁה, וְגִדְּלַתְהוּ עַל בִּרְכֶּיהָ, וְסִכְּנָה עַצְמָה לְהַצִילוֹ מִן הַיָּם, וְהִיא לֹא דִּבְּרָה בִּגְנוּתוֹ אֶלָּא מַה שֶּׁהִשְׁוְתָה אוֹתוֹ לִשְׁאָר נְבִיאִים, וְלֹא דִּבְּרָה בְּפָנָיו שֶׁיֵּבוֹשׁ וְלֹא בִּפְנֵי רַבִּים, רַק בֵּינָה לְבֵין אָחִיהָ הַקָדוֹשׁ בְּצִנְעָה, וְהוּא לֹא הִקְפִּיד עַל כָּל הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלּוּ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (במדבר י"ב ג'): "וְהָאִישׁ משֶה עָנָו מְאֹד", וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן לֹא הוֹעִילוּהָ כָּל מַעֲשֶׂיהָ הַטוֹבִים וְנֶעֶנְשָׁה בְּצָרַעַת עַל זֶה, קַל וָחֹמֶר לִשְׁאָר בְּנֵי אָדָם הַטִפְּשִׁים, הַמַרְבִּים לְדַבֵּר גְּדוֹלוֹת וְנִפְלָאוֹת עַל חַבְרֵיהֶם, שֶׁבְּוַדַּאי יֵעָנְשׁוּ עַל זֶה מְאֹד
"Remember what the Lord your God did to Miriam on the way when you went out of Egypt." The Torah exhorted us hereby that we mention verbally, always, the great punishment [leprosy] that the Blessed Lord brought upon the tzadeketh, Miriam the prophetess — who spoke only about her brother, whom she loved as her soul...she did not speak in denigration of him, but only compared him to other prophets. And she did not speak so to his face to shame him, and not in public, but only to her brother Aaron, privately. And he [Moses] was not offended by all this, but in spite of which all her good deeds did not avail her and she was punished with leprosy for this. How much more so will other people, the fools, who are prolix in speaking "great and awesome things" against their friends, be severely punished for this.
In his Covenant and Conversation, the late Rabbi Jonathan Sacks described the nature of lashon hara:
It is the kind of thing that people speak with hushed voices and often deny when accused of it. It sows suspicion and dissension. It wrecks communities. It can destroy reputations and careers. It damages relationships, undermining the respect and trust on which families and communities depend. It is secretive and devastating…
Words hurt. Words harm. Verbal injuries may cut deeper even than physical injuries. They tear the fabric of society. They damage relationships and destroy trust – and without trust, no society can survive. It was the fate of the slanderer, who sought to undermine relationships of trust, to be condemned to live outside the camp as a moral outcast.
The Sin of Lashon Hara in the Talmud
The rabbis of the Talmud were clear in their condemnation of malicious gossip: In Arachin we read this:
ערכין טו,א
האומר בפיו חמור מן העושה מעשה
One who utters malicious speech with his mouth is a more severe transgressor than one who performs a [forbidden] action
There then follows a long discussion of the sin, or better, the sins of lashon hara:
שכן מצינו שלא נתחתם גזר דין על אבותינו במדבר אלא על לשון הרע
אמר ר' יוחנן משום ר' יוסי בן זימרא כל המספר לשון הרע כאילו כפר בעיקר
אמר ר' יוסי בן זימרא כל המספר לשון הרע נגעים באים עליו
ואמר ריש לקיש כל המספר לשון הרע מגדיל עונות עד לשמים
אמר רב חסדא אמר מר עוקבא כל המספר לשון הרע ראוי לסוקלו באבן
רבי אחא ברבי חנינא אומר סיפר אין לו תקנה
תנא דבי רבי ישמעאל כל המספר לשון הרע מגדיל עונות כנגד שלש עבירות עבודת כוכבים וגילוי עריות ושפיכות דמים
במערבא אמרי לשון תליתאי קטיל תליתאי הורג למספרו ולמקבלו ולאומרו
Our ancestors in the wilderness were only punished because they spoke lashon hara
Speaking lashon hara is like denying a fundamental tenet of Judaism
Speaking lashon hara is punished with leprosy
When you speak lashon hara the sin is magnified all the way to the heavens
It is fitting that a person who spoke lashon hara be executed by stoning
There is no remedy for one who has spoken lashon hara
Anyone who speaks malicious speech increases his sins to the degree that they correspond to the three cardinal transgressions: Idol worship, and forbidden sexual relations, and bloodshed
In the West, Eretz Yisrael, they say: malicious speech about a third party, kills three people. It kills the one who speaks it, the one who hears it, and the one about whom the malicious speech was said.
THE SCIENCE OF Gossip
Because gossip is widespread across different cultures, it has been the subject of academic study. Over fifty years ago, for example, Bruce Cox spent time on a Hopi Reservation of Native Americans in northeastern Arizona, to study, among other things, what it was that Hopi gossip about. It turns out that they mostly talked about oil exploration, roads, and the installation of utility lines in the villages. So not your usual stuff of gossip. But most of the content of gossip that we recognize as such is about people and what they have done. The academic study of all things gossip is so important that in 2019 Oxford University Press published The Oxford Handbook of Gossip and Reputation, which fills an intellectual gap, “providing an integrated understanding of the foundations of gossip and reputation, as well as outlining a potential framework for future research.” And it can be yours for only $144.
“Gossip helps people learn about how to function effectively within the complex and ambiguous structures of human social (and cultural) life. ”
So why do we gossip?
From the academic literature there appear to be four main reasons why people gossip. First, to maintain or strengthen the close relationship between the teller and the hearer. Second, to enable the hearer to learn more about the subject, and third, to harm the subject of the gossip. It is this last reason that is most in keeping with the Jewish aversion to gossip. But there is a fourth reason to gossip that turns out to be vital to the functioning of our human interactions: gossip helps people learn about how to function effectively within the complex and ambiguous structures of human social (and cultural) life.
Why gossiping is good for you
Might this be a positive aspect of gossip? In a review of the literature published in 2004, Roy Baumeister of Florida State University noted that gossip can be used to learn the unwritten rules of social groups and cultures. “Gossip anecdotes communicate rules in narrative form, such as by describing how someone else came to grief by violating social norms. Gossip is thus an extension of observational learning, allowing one to learn from the triumphs and misadventures of people beyond one’s immediate perceptual sphere.”
“Modern human society is a rapidly changing, highly complex system. It offers great opportunities but also contains unforeseen risks and problems. Often neither the problem nor its solution can be foreseen reliably and safely. Individuals may therefore have to make their painful way through a problem’s shifting mazes by hard experience.
The way can be smoothed and softened, however, by learning about the adventures and misadventures of others.”
The original work of psychologists who study gossip was based on the notion that it was a form of aggression, and was rooted in the malicious desire to harm others by damaging their reputation. In this way it was identical to the traditional Jewish view. Baumeister concedes that sometimes this may be the case. “People may well seek to harm someone by passing along information that makes him or her look bad, thereby encouraging people to hold a poor opinion of that person (whom we label the target of gossip).” But this might not be the primary motive of the gossiper.
Consider the work of Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist who directs the the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at the University of Oxford. He has spent much of his academic career studying gossip and has come to the conclusion that gossip is an important form of social communication. It bonds people together as they share information in the form of gossip about themselves and about others in their social community. In humans, gossip has replaced grooming as a way for people to maintain social relationships. “Apes spend hours picking bugs off each other,” wrote Baumeister summarizing Dunbar’s work, “while people spend hours discussing the misadventures of their neighbors, and in both cases the jointly spent time can help cement and maintain social bonds.”
In addition, gossip serves as observational learning of a cultural kind. By hearing about the troubles of others, we may not have to endure costs to ourselves because we will have successfully avoided making the mistake they made. Gossip not only serves to educate the listener about social norms; it also affirms them. And gossip is not just for adults. Children as young as four and five will gossip in a way “which sounds remarkably similar in form to the gossip of adults.”
The Chofetz Chaim on helpful gossip
The Chofetz Chaim wrote that lashon hara was the most significant cause (אַךְ חֵטְא הַלָּשׁוֹן הוּא עַל כִֻּלּוֹ) of the then prolonged exile of the Jewish people, and that if the magnitude of the rabbinic prohibitions against the practice were really understood, it would “make the hairs of your head stand on end” (וּמִי שֶׁיְּעַיֵּן וְיִתְבּוֹנִן הֵיטֵב בָּהֶם, תִּסְמַּר שַׂעֲרוֹת רֹאשׁוֹ מִגֹּדֶל הֶעָוֹן).
As the Chofetz Chaim makes clear, though, not all negative speech about others falls under the prohibition of lashon hara. He gives this example:
If a person sees that Reuven wants to enter into partnership with Shimon, and Shimon does not know Reuven's nature, and the person knows Reuven well from the past — that he is indifferent to the money of others because of his bad nature — he should warn Shimon from the beginning not to enter into partnership with him, and there is no lashon hara in this.
This example is what some academics have described as helpful gossip - it provides useful knowledge for living in a community that would otherwise have to be learned the hard way. The Chofetz Chaim would agree, but there are many more examples in which such gossip would be prohibited. And in the politically fractured and highly partisan societies in which we are living, there is no doubt that whether or not gossip is an evolutionary necessary tool, the damage that is caused by malicious speech is profound and irreversible. And it’s not just the target of the speech that is damaged, as the Talmud teaches. Lashon hara “kills the one who speaks it, the one who hears it, and the one about whom it is said.”
National Speak No Evil Day
In his book Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How to Choose Words Wisely and Well, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin envisioned a “National Speak No Evil Day” that would eliminate “the pollution of our emotional atmosphere.” It would be a day on which “we would refrain from saying a single nasty comment about others…and will speak about others with the same kindness and fairness that they wish others to exercise when speaking about them.”
In fact in 1994 a resolution in the US Senate introduced by Senators Connie Mack of Florida and the late Joseph Lieberman ז׳ל of Connecticut aimed to establish a “National Speak No Evil Day.” The Canadian Member of Parliament Irwin Cotler, made a similar proposal: to declare a day on which “both citizens and politicians would refrain from personal insults and ad-hominem attacks.” So it’s not just the Talmud that attempts to prevent lashon hara. Some of our cherished democracies have had the same laudable aspiration.
“Whereas words used unfairly, whether expressed through excessive anger, unfair criticism, public and private humiliation, bigoted comments, cruel jokes, or rumors and malicious gossip, traumatize and destroy many lives;
Whereas an unwillingness or inability of many parents to control what the parents say when angry causes the infliction of often irrevocably damaging verbal abuse on the children;
Whereas bigoted words are often used to dehumanize entire religious, racial, and ethnic groups, and inflame hostility in a manner that may lead to physical attacks;
Whereas the spreading of negative, often unfair, untrue, or exaggerated, comments or rumors about others often inflicts irrevocable damage on the victim of the gossip, the damage epitomized in the expression “character assassination’’; and
Whereas the inability of a person to refrain for 24 hours from speaking unkind and cruel words demonstrates a lack of control as striking as the inability of an alcoholic to refrain for 24 hours from drinking liquor:
Now, therefore, be it Resolved, That the Senate designates May 14, 1996, and May 14, 1997, as ``National Speak No Evil Day’’.
The Senate requests that the President issue a proclamation calling on the people of the United States to observe the days with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and educational endeavors.”
